The demons within
The promotion of that terrible feeling within me that I had earlier blogged about had gotten me into some serious trouble before dinner tonight. There was something that I made the choice to ask that I probably shouldn’t have asked and therefore, I opened the door up to my feelings that I should’ve noted were beyond that if an over-reactive mind.
I think the fact that I asked the question allowed me to actually, finally, understand that I may have some serious insecurity issues that I may need to address by myself, away from the pressures of my relationship - with a man who is more than capable of making me feel fantastic.
He basically said to me that there was no point us continuing down the road if I couldn’t actually allow myself to think there was nothing wrong in our partnership. I have to get over these feelings but I’m not too sure if I’m able to overnight. I came out and said that perhaps I am able to convince myself that I don’t deserve what I’ve got and therefore find myself sabotaging everything good I’ve got - perhaps that’s why I’m so reserved?
Whatever the reason, I need to stop. I need to stop convincing myself that I don’t deserve to be happy, because I do! If I keep doing this, I’m going to be wrecking it for myself and not only that, I will push away a person that I’m desperately trying to bring closer to me.
And for the record, it was his sister…..
xA
